I’ve been so to read & keep up with current chapters of A Confident Heart. I take it slow, look up the stories surrounding the bible verses in the book, & meditate on them. One part spoke to me louder than others. It stayed in the front of my mind the strongest. The other day, I learned why…
A high school friend of mine just received news that her biological mother was not doing well. She posted, “I have not been a part of her life for a long time for different reasons. They are not sure how long she has. She has cirrhosis of the liver and emphysema. She has been sick for years. The doctors did not expect her to live a year 5 years ago. I know that there is a reason she is still here. I am not sure if its because there are things that need to be said or what. I am not sure if she knows our Lord and savior. I have so many questions with not many answers. I just pray that what ever I am supposed to do I do. I do not want to live with regret. Please pray that I will do what the Lord wants. Also, please pray for her, that she would find peace and do what she needs to do.”
I felt it was time to share my story & messaged her privately (not everything is meant for the world). FRIEND, I am by no means trying to persuade you one way or another. But hear my story & decide for yourself. My Mom was an alcoholic and we rarely got along without having harsh words or bitter blow ups. It was more than just the alcohol, but I won’t pester you with the details. The point is, I didn’t feel loved or feel like I loved her. I did love her, but it never felt like the mother-daughter love that I expected to feel. (If that makes sense). Point is, even when she was dying, I felt we both pushed each other away. The night before she died, she had a smile moment of clarity (cancer was in her brain & she had trouble staying conscious) she squeezed my hand, nodded, & said “I’m ok. I love you”. This took nearly 5 minutes for her to say. I tried to talk to her more, but I couldn’t get her to stay awake. She died a few hours later. My advice is this. Death is final in this world. If you feel you need to tell her something, maybe God is trying to tell you “now is your chance”. I still cry & ache nearly everyday missing my mom. Not so much for what was but for what I wanted. I wanted to love her like my kids love me. She is your mom. Love her & tell her goodbye. Maybe your love & Gods light shining through you is what she needs if she’s not saved. I’m so I’m rambling, but I felt like I should let you know my experience. I am praying for all of you. Take care Sister. The book of Isaiah was really weighing on me today. I guess you’re exactly who God needed me to talk to. I don’t want you to have regrets & what ifs. If I could do it again, I would say so much more. I know the bitterness is there & it IS hard, but I strongly urge you to pray & then find closure for both of y’all. Don’t wait til it’s too late like I did. Trust me when I say, it’s a terrible, crushing weight of regret. Pride got in my way. I’m glad telling you means a lot. It means so much to me to get it off my chest. I love you girl. Take care.
She responded, “WOW! Sounds just like my story!!! Almost exactly! I just want to make sure I say my part and dont want to regret anything. my children do not know her. which is so sad. I am upset with her for the way she chose to live her life but I can only do my part. We are going to florida on the 22nd of November anyway, but I am trying to decide if I should go sooner. Thank you for telling me your story, it really means a lot! I for sure do not want to carry that weight around. Who knows may God wants me to tell her about him? I just want to make sure I do the right thing. Thank you for listening.”
PLEASE…. I ask for extra prayers for her & her mother & her whole family. I pray they all find peace & forgiveness in each other through Christ. Thank you so much in advance.